Trip to the Dentist: $35
Fitting for and production of a bite guard: $550
Follow-up exam: $35
Being told that your teeth look twenty years older than you: Priceless.

I'm not buying the Occlusal Splint right now. It's really a little pricey, and no insurance will cover it. The dentist looked into my mouth, poked at the soft tissue ("Does this bother you?" "You mean more or less than being poked in the mouth usually bothers me?") and asked me how old I am. Night-time anti-grinding devices are expensive, but I guess you have to pay separately for each name they call 'em. I've had 'em recommended to me now on three occasions by the same office. In the course of talking about them, they never use the same word twice.
The hygenist said, "You're here to talk to the dentist about the occlusal guard, right?" I said yes, and got poked in the mouth. The dentist said, "I'm going to fit you with a splint," like it was something completely other. I don't think I'd feel so bad, but they all look at me like an idiot when I ask them what they're talking about.

"Hey, buddy! You want a Twinkie?"
"Sure! That sounds good. Do you have one?"
"No, but I have some cream-filled snack-cakes."
"Oh. Um. Well, may I have one of those?"
"Well... you look more like a golden sponge-cake man to me."
"Um. Sure. Any of those is fine, yeah. I guess. Um."
"You dolt. They're the same thing! Don't you know anything?"